S.A.D. Christmas

Image source: http://noticefurtheruntil.wordpress.com/2008/12/01/out-of-the-summer-of-hibernation-im-back/

Not everyone loves Christmas. Some of us dread the holiday season altogether. While Thanksgiving is usually alright, starting right afterwards comes that big holiday whirlwind that can feel like a tornado to some of us. Christmas songs are everywhere, stores are pushing their wares, children start working on their lists for Santa, co-workers talk about their Christmas plans. There's no escape from it all. You don't want to be the bah-humbug Scrooge type so you try to get into the spirit the best you can. Of course you wait until the last minute to try and accomplish everything you want to do and usually fail to do most, if any, of it. You want everyone you love to enjoy the day so you try to squeeze in time for each one. Thing is, what you'd really like most for Christmas is to hide away in your room until New Year's has passed. It might just be winter in general but it really feels like Christmas is the worst.

Sharing Another's Story

Today's post is going to be a little different. I posted yesterday on how I feel about the Mental Health crisis in this country. Today I am simply sharing a link to a very powerful story. It is written by the mother of a child with an undiagnosed disorder and covers her fears for her child, her family and herself. And it covers the minefield she has to tiptoe through to try and get a little (too little) help.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother-mental-illness-conversation_n_2311009.html?utm_hp_ref=tw


Written by Liza Long, republished from The Blue Review     I found it through Huff Post Parents


Something MUST be done in this country to prevent these kinds of stories and worse from ever happening again!

Mental Health Awareness, It's Past Time

A lot of positive attention has been focused on mental health issues in the last few years. The Silver Ribbon Campaign has been around since 1993 (renamed in 2004) with the goal of promoting public awareness, improving treatment and decreasing the stigma attached to those with brain disorders and disabilities. Celebrities have spoken publicly about their struggles such as Catherine Zeta-Jones dealing with bipolar disorder. Demi Lovato and Tracy Gold have shared with the world about their eating disorders. And depression, well it's hard to find many who don't deal with it at some time or other. Writers such as J.K. Rowling and Jenny Lawson, actors like Wil Wheaton, Owen Wilson and Heath Ledger, musicians like Mary K. Blige and Sheryl Crow, even well known athletes Terry Bradshaw and Mike Tyson are all known to be dealing with depression and/or anxiety disorders to varying degrees. If people with the talent, money and fan adoration these people have can succumb, every day folk like you and I are definitely not immune. I have written previously about my own issues.

But for every positive step made there arises a situation that reminds the world that not enough is being done:

A veteran with PTSD returns home to deal the best he can with what he has seen and done overseas. Not finding the help needed, the anger and confusion inside build. These eventually explode into a violent attack on someone they love or commit suicide.

A teenager so distraught and depressed over bullying that they can't see any escape, commits suicide because they don't understand there are other options.

Someone with a disorder such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder breaks with reality and commits horrific mass shootings on strangers.

There are horrible examples occurring every day. In the last week alone we have witnessed a guy with a rifle killing people in a mall, that completely tragic and senseless murder of those precious children in Connecticut, and just this morning a man shooting 3 people inside a hospital in Alabama. And those are just the ones with the big headlines. There are hundreds or thousands of others that don't make the national news. Now I realize that we don't know based on history and diagnosis for sure if these people were mentally ill. But we DO KNOW! Rational, reasonable people do not gun down 5 yr old children they have never met because they were having problems at home.

I am talking about horrific breakdowns in the providing of mental health care and treatment to citizens of this country. Whether it is from families and friends ignoring signs, thinking their loved ones are OK, just a little different or because they would be ashamed of seeking treatment for themselves or a family member. Some hope the problems will go away in time because treatment is too hard to come by, is too expensive or too inconvenient to add into their already hectic schedules. The aunt of the shooter in Connecticut said that if there were any mental health concerns the boy's mother would have taken action, that she "wasn't one to deny reality". But his brother stated there were concerns the guy had some type of autistic disorder. Law enforcement states there may have been a personality disorder. Obviously! 

Now I'm not saying that all people with depression or autism are potential killers. These are just a couple of the armchair diagnoses being made in this case. Actually, those with autism are more likely to be the victim rather than the perpetrator of violence. But it is painfully apparent that there was more going on here than a kid being upset with his parents getting divorced a few years ago! What I am saying is that events like this cannot stop us from admitting there may be a mental health problem within ourselves or in our family. 

People need to pay better attention to each other; in their families, among their friends, even at work. If we see red flags, talk to the person or get someone better equipped than yourself to talk to them. Parents, don't just assume it's just a growing phase if they become withdrawn and isolated. You could be saving your child's life.

Doctors need to look for warning signs in all patients. Teachers, school counselors, coaches, anyone who interacts with kids on a regular basis should be aware of potential problems or sudden changes in a child's emotion/psychological behavior. 

There is still much work to be done. We have to let people know it is alright to seek help when it's needed. Help has to be available and affordable so it can be accessed. We need better screenings to identify those who don't realize they need help. We can't hide our heads in the sand and pretend this will go away.

Above all, if you feel you need help, get it! You won't regret it.

A Difficult Realization

picture from www.zazzle.com/thebloggess

The other day I wrote that I had locked myself out of my car. Today I managed to lock myself out of my house. In both instances the keys I needed were right in plain sight. Through the car window I could see my car key right there on my front seat. The house key was right in the middle of the table by the front window. The cat was kind enough to climb into the window to stare at me, opening the curtain in the process. It was almost as if she were asking, "Are these what you want?" If I were able to reach through the glass, I'd have had to reach no further than a foot. Of course, despite my best efforts I was not able to unlock the doors in front of me without help.

I wonder if maybe the Universe is using these smaller events to teach me a much bigger lesson. Two months ago I wrote about how in late 2011 I was dealing with a bad bout of depression and how I felt that "some of us are locked in prisons of our own making". I moved past that depression as I stated with the help of therapy and medication. After a while I started feeling pretty good and as I wrote, "...am happy and contented with my  life overall." 

See that last word? Overall. It means in general I am happy. But not in all ways. Despite that, I told myself I was well enough to stop the meds. My emotions were back, I was feeling everything around me again. I was getting out and doing things and enjoying them. Good enough right? Wrong. What I hadn't really allowed myself to acknowledge is that no, even 2/3 of a life is still not a full life! While I believe I am good at my job and while there are residents there that are as dear to me as my own family, I do not enjoy it any more. I have locked myself into it because it's what I have done for almost 20 years and I am afraid of leaving my comfort zone. I left nursing completely for a brief time but came back. I became a paralegal and worked as a nurse paralegal and I worked for Medicare for a few years but everything used my nursing background. After moving to Oregon I found myself back in the nursing home as a Charge Nurse. 

In all of these jobs I have been immersed in the pain and suffering of other people; the patients or residents themselves, their families, it takes a toll. Sure there are moments of joy too but they are all too brief. Anyway, what I am getting at is that I have been forced to see that I do still need my meds, I am not 100% and I still need help. I may not be in the deep darkness of a depressive episode but my moods are still not totally in my control either. It's still depression and it still sucks!

I have reached a point where I now resent the emotional turmoil my job requires of me on a daily basis. I'm not simply talking about the residents here either. With a good support system and co-workers who are also working their hardest at meeting the needs of the residents, the ups and downs are bearable. When I began this job 3 years ago, that was in place. In the beginning I looked forward to each day because of the people I worked with and worked for. Things have changed dramatically in the last year or so. I have thought of leaving many times but didn't because of the residents. I attempted to write it all off as economically driven. "Everyone is stressed, we're all in this together" was my mantra. I even tried to find logic behind injustices to other nurses I worked with, although I couldn't find a valid reason for what I was seeing done. It didn't and still doesn't make any sense.

It was easier to go with those ideas while I was on my medication. I realize now that once I had stopped taking the pills, my patience was not what it should be. I convinced myself that it wasn't an issue but everything gets to me. Small things with co-workers angered me. I would be sharper than I should be with C.N.A.s. And though I hate to admit it, I have been abrupt and curt with residents a couple of times as well. I was never loud or cruel, just obviously impatient. And inappropriate and rude. That is never justified even when you are answering the same question for the thousandth time that day.

So, what's the answer? I am back on my anti-depressant as of yesterday. I am accepting that I need help to unlock the door to what I need; whatever it is I am supposed to be doing. I will be making a therapy appointment when the phone lines open on Monday. I will be doing a personal assessment of what it is that I really want to be doing with the next 20 years of my life rather than what I have done for the last 20. And mostly, I will be true to me and take care of myself!

To The Max!

Today and tomorrow are my 2 days off this week. My daughter Mai and I had planned to spend today doing a little cleaning and putting up our Christmas tree and then tomorrow finding some interesting thing to do outside of the house. This is Oregon so we've had a stretch of several days of rain and we were expecting more of it. This morning however, we woke up to mostly blue skies and a pleasant, only slightly chilly day. Naturally we decided to flip our plans since there's no guarantee that tomorrow would be as nice.

After an hour of trying to plan something we decided to just play it by ear and see what we found. Instead of driving around wasting gas and paying for parking in town, we drove over to the TriMet Max light rail station close to the house. We got day passes for the train, picked a direction instead of a destination and went looking for our adventure. Now Mai rides the train to work all the time so she is used to it. This was only my 2nd time, the first being several months ago and only for a very brief distance. She got to show me how it all worked. She has all the color coding and route maps down to a science! We picked the green line to the Rose Quarter and switched to the blue line and headed towards Hillsboro.

The first train wasn't very crowded, mostly people obviously headed home from work. It was fairly uneventful with the exception of the brake locking up for a few seconds when the driver was slowing down. A few people got a little closer to each other. The second one though was wall to wall people. Now Mai and I both enjoy people watching but from looking around you would think we were the only ones. Not one person on the train made eye contact with anyone unless they were together. They read books, listened to music on headphones or poked around on their cell phones. If they were without a physical barrier they simply stared out the windows or down at the floor. Honestly I was expecting a lot more of the weirdness that Portland is famous for.

We wound up riding all the way to Hillsboro only to switch directions and ride back into downtown. After a quick cup of coffee and a little wandering, we headed to Hamburger Mary's for dinner. It was slow and a little early so we didn't hang around too long. From there it was off to Ground Kontrol for some old-school video games and a couple of drinks before reversing course and heading home.

We got back to the station where the car was parked and I couldn't find my car key in my purse. I did find it though, on the front seat of my locked car. No problem, called for help and had a coffee while we waited. It took the guy longer to fill out the paperwork than it did for him to unlock the car.

You might be thinking this doesn't sound like much of an outing but it was. It was really wonderful to see my daughter so relaxed and hear her laughing so freely, especially since only a few days ago she ended her relationship with her boyfriend of over 2 years. She has finally freed herself of the weight of taking care of someone who refused to take care of himself. She's growing and finally learning that her needs are important too. She's seen that a healthy relationship shouldn't require her to make herself less that she is meant to be. The string has been cut, the weight is off and she is free to fly.

Achievement Unlocked!

Back at the start of November I promised myself to complete the NaBloPoMo challenge of writing a blog post every day for the whole month. This is the last of the daily posts so I have been looking back over the other 29 this morning. I have to say there are some that I really like and some that I don't care for much. But I wrote them and met my personal challenge and that is what is important here. 

Overall, I was pretty pleased with the results. I enjoyed writing most of the posts and hope others enjoyed reading them. There are a few, perhaps 10 out of the 30, where to me at least, it is obvious that I was too tired and/or distracted to be writing anything for public consumption. That's a risk you take when you sit down at a computer after spending 12-14 hours trying to attend to the needs of 30+ people and deal with staff issues as well. Not always fun but it's a living. That was also one of my biggest excuses to myself for not working more on my writing in the past. "I'm too busy", "It's my day off but I"m too tired", well, I can't tell myself that anymore.

A few times the writing was colored by technical frustrations, as noted in “Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By”. Yes it’s true, in the year 2012 there are still places of business who do not use computers for almost everything. Our office staff has them but we don’t use electronic medical records and such. Therefore the nursing stations do not have computers at all. The building does have wi-fi available to the residents but it is quite unreliable. You can be working along on your laptop and suddenly get a message that (despite showing a full internet connection) you can no longer access the internet. I have no idea why and we don’t have an IT person.

I feel I should point out here that I would not be writing on my blog during work hours. I live over an hour away from where I work and they have generously allowed me to stay over in an empty room between my shifts. Any writing done would be after work hours.

Several times I wrote from restaurants with wi-fi access. Of course my laptop has very limited battery life and the thought process can be difficult when you are constantly checking the power icon instead of focusing on what you are writing. Throw in a few noisy kids and even louder teens and well, I threw in the white flag.

Now I am not making excuses, I knew they weren’t great when I wrote them. The point of my doing this however was not to spend the month writing award winning material. It was an exercise in discipline. It was to show myself that I could manage to find the time to write no matter what was going on around me. That’s why there is an editing function. I can get the thoughts down, make the effort and without an absolute deadline to post, I can always go back and improve what was written in less than ideal circumstances. Basically, I have no more excuses! I may not post daily now but I will write daily so that when I do post, it will be because I feel it's ready.

So, final outcome? Achievement unlocked! Step 1 has been completed. 

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Relationships aren't always good for you. Not exactly a shocking statement I know. Anyone past their teens has probably learned this the hard way. Sometimes a relationship can be the most stressful thing in your life, to the point of being physically and/or psychologically detrimental to your health. 

And all relationships take hard work to keep them strong. If you feel you aren't being treated fairly, you should be able to talk it out. If you have been cheated in some way, you have to decide whether it is something you can overlook or if there is some way to work it out so that it doesn't happen again. If there isn't mutual respect and the occasional compromise, only you can decide if that one-way situation is acceptable.

Good or bad, there is always something you are getting from that relationship that you need. What you have to decide is if that "thing" is worth the pain and suffering you might be going through. Does the other party even care? Would you be better off looking for whatever it is somewhere else? Do the number of years you have given to the relationship and everything you have given to it really make a difference? Are you being loyal or stupid for staying?

Sometimes you have to walk away, the reward isn't worth the cost in headaches, anxiety and tears. It can feel like an almost impossible decision. There's guilt and a feeling of failure even when it isn't your fault. 

Sometimes you just have to update your resume and make plans to move on!

How Would You Spend Half a Billion Dollars?

Right now the Powerball Lottery Prize is at $500,000,000; one half of one billion dollars. Wow just typing that made me a little woozy! I won't lie to ya hon, I bought a ticket or two myself. So did my mom, so did my daughter, and so did most everyone I know just because the prize is so high. 

Like most people, I've always had a mental list of what I'd do if I won a million dollars, even a few million. But wow, this prize, even after taxes it's still beyond my wildest dreams. Naturally there's the initial pay debts and buy houses for myself my mom and my 2 girls and hire my mom a staff! Then set aside college tuition for the grandkids. Heck, I'd pay college tuition for the whole family! Oh yeah, and travel: America first, Europe, Asia, Australia. I'd go by land and sea and air. Trains, cruises, hell maybe even a hot air balloon for a week or two! 

But mainly I would share it. It would be great to create a nice home for families needing help and a place to live. How fun would it be to take kids with nothing out shopping for clothes and toys. How fulfilling to provide the means to feed not a few but a few hundred or thousand people in need. 

I'd buy brand new electric beds for every room in the nursing home I work at. I'd throw the residents a huge party catered by some fabulous chef. Better yet, I could build them a full-fledged Bingo Hall and have a Bingo caller available all day every day! I could buy the place, well I'd have to pay someone to do the daily grind part though. Seriously, I'd love to give everyone of them everything they could dream of, just to see their faces when I told them it was theirs!  

I'd create a scholarship for nurses and healthcare workers. Not for high school kids wanting to get into the field. No, my scholarship would pay to retrain those who have done this job too long but can't make as much money elsewhere without going back to school. But you don't want to go back to school because the tuition would negate any salary increase you'd get because you're already too close to retirement age. So I'd pay full tuition and expenses for a couple of years of retraining, requiring a month-long vacation before classes could be started. Ok, I'm rambling here. 

But most likely, should my numbers be the ones drawn, the first use of the winnings would be putting a fair amount of it to paying the medical bills from the stroke I'd have when I found out I'd won!

Dream big!

You Gotta Dance to Your Own Beat

Today has been a nice, peaceful family day. Tried to go Christmas tree shopping but the place we want to get our tree isn't starting sales until December 1st. We buy our trees from the American Legion because the money goes to care boxes for deployed military and other veteran programs. I'm also a member. We went to the Legion Post here for the first time today and 2 minutes after walking through the door it felt like I had known the guys for years. It was really nice. 

After leaving there we went out to eat. My daughter just came into a little unexpected cash and treated me to Olive Garden. We ate until we could hardly walk and then ordered dessert to go. No way we were passing up black tie chocolate mousse cake!

Once we could move it was off to do a little clothes shopping. Her boyfriend got to stand around holding purses and looking uncomfortable. She FINALLY found a coat she was willing to wear too which is nice because she walks to the bus either really early or very late, when it is cold out there. Stubborn kid! She bought a few more clothes and then we just wandered around a bit.

We went to this place called Gifts From Afar that has all kinds of art and clothes and things from India, China, Africa, all over really. When you first walk in there is a wall of saris and belly dancing costumes. The music in the store was very high energy belly dance music that I immediately fell in love with. Poor kids, they were looking at things and I was roaming the aisles doing little dance moves I remembered from a belly dance class I briefly attended. Now, I thought I was hidden from view but it seems, not so much. I turned around at one point to see the man who ran the shop just smiling at me. When we got to the cash register for my daughter to make her purchase, he grinned at me and handed me a copy of the CD that was playing in the store.

I have the music, I have the little wrap skirt with the coins that jingle, now if I could just get that body I'd be in business! Maybe a little less pasta and chocolate mousse cake would help. But where's the fun in that?

Later folks, sweet dreams.

Anna Nicole 2.0?

Photo from US Weekly

It was bound to happen. The little girl in the advertisement above is the daughter of the late Anna Nicole Smith, Dannielynn Birkhead. Only 6 yrs old and she is now modelling for Guess, for whom her mother also worked. I really hope this is something that SHE wanted to do. I have seen photos of her since she was a baby and she is a very photogenic child. Thing is, will she be able to avoid the pitfalls that her mother fell victim to? Can her father give her the support and guidance that apparently Anna Nicole never had? Will she be able to avoid the fate of her half-brother Daniel Wayne Smith? Both Anna Nicole and Daniel died from prescription drug overdoes, assumed to have been accidental.

Her father Larry Birkhead has stated that she is not going to be a model. "I want to be clear this was just a tribute (to her mother). She's still a kid at heart and she's going to stay that was as long as possible."  He also said that, "all proceeds from the gig will be set aside for Dannielynn. Her plan is to become a doctor, a birthday cake baker or the owner of an ice cream truck."  

He seems to be fully intent on letting her be the child she is meant to be. Here's hoping he can successfully do just that. 

Survivor Saturday, Recovering From Black Friday

This was the post I would have written yesterday if the planets had aligned well enough for the internet to work properly where I stayed this weekend.

I have never gone shopping on Black Friday. I guess I just don't possess the competitive gene required to spend hours waiting in the cold to fight over some item because it's on sale. I seriously don't believe I'd do it if the items were being given away free! 

I can remember seeing all the ads for after Thanksgiving sales as a kid. This has traditionally been the time the best sales were held for decades, starting with Macy's in 1924. The name "Black Friday" was first used in 1961 by Philadelphia police and it was called that because of the traffic jams and increased pedestrian traffic associated with the start of the holiday shopping season. It took a while to spread but by the 80's it was being used across the country. Many merchants however were adverse to the negative connotation of the name and tried unsuccessfully to change it. Eventually the idea that this was when merchants started making more money thereby being "in the black" financially and that version seems to have stuck. 

Somewhere along the line things got crazy. I can't say if the deals just got better, if the media just gave it more attention or if it was because the stores themselves manipulated the sales hours to create more urgency. Maybe people just became more primitive, who knows?  What I do know is that around the mid-2000's Black Friday shopping became a sometimes violent contact sport. How does the thought of saving some money cause people to absolutely lose their minds?

A few examples:

Tallahassee, FL - 2 people shot over a parking space

San Antonio, TX - a guy punches someone to get into the front of the line so another guy   with a permit to carry a concealed weapon pulls his gun

Holland Township, MI - 2 shoplifters pulled a gun on the clerk who spotted them

Kentwood, MI - gang fight at a mall leads to pepper spray being used 

Covington, WA - apparently intoxicated 71 yr old runs down 2 people in a parking lot

Every state - robberies of people in parking lots and countless fights that haven't been widely reported by the media

And the TOTAL IDIOT of the year award goes to a man in Springfield, MA who left his girlfriend's 2 yr old child in the car while he shopped for a TV. The child was spotted and police broke into the car and had him sent to the hospital as a precaution. Meanwhile the guy was tracked down AT HOME! He said he lost the boy while shopping, panicked and called someone else for a ride. Notice he called someone for a ride; he did not call the police, or someone to help him find the child, not even the child's mother who was at work. Just what the hell did he plan on telling her when she got home?!!!

At least this year, at least as far as I can tell, no one has died. No employees or shoppers were trampled to death like the guy in Long Island, NY in 2008. No pregnant women have miscarried such as the one who was in the same crowd. No fathers shot each other to death, in front of their kids, like happened in Palm Desert, CA on that very same day.

Now, I am not Catholic. I am not really of any organized religion, but to me Black Friday seems to embody most of the 7 deadly sins: greed, envy, gluttony, and wrath for sure, probably a little lust and pride are also in the mix. If you think about it sloth fits in there too. Because if you do your research and take the time to really look, deals can be found all year long without putting your safety at risk.

I hope your shopping was problem free and you got all the deals you wanted.

Technical Difficulties Please Stand By

After a very long day at work I sat down to work on a post, this is what I found:



I have exhausted my limited knowledge and hereby surrender to the internet fates. I don't even like texting so this is quite tedious. You would expect a business to have reliable internet. Of course only the office staff have computers at all here. We do it the old fashioned way. We don't even have voicemail! Oh well, i'll be home tomorrow after work and can blog from the comfort of my own bedroom.

Strife After Death

Today I read that Sherman Hemsley was buried on Wednesday. The sad part is he died in July! There was a dispute over his estate: he had named his long time friend as his heir but his half-brother challenged the will. 

James Brown died on Christmas day 2006. Due to legal maneuvering between his children, his representatives and the woman he was living with, he was not buried until March 2007. Even then he was buried in a temporary location. He remains there waiting for the family to create a Graceland type attraction from his estate.

The most egregious case of this type would have to be Gary Coleman. He died in May 2010 but since his ex-wife and estranged parents were fighting over his body, he wasn't cremated until June. And yet, the fighting continued over the disposition of the remains. It wasn't until May of this year that a judge determined his ex-wife had no legal rights as a common law wife, which she had attempted to convince the courts she was as they were still living together and sharing bank accounts.

How does this, in any way, show that any of these people loved these men? It only shows the greed and callousness of those involved in my opinion. Maybe Coleman's parents wanted him in their home state to be close to him, I can't say. But, considering their difficult history, could they really believe that would be what he wanted? Brown's girlfriend may really have loved him and desired to keep him close to her. But wouldn't loving him mean she'd want what was best for him and his entire family, not just her? Couldn't any of these people put aside their wants and desires so that the bodies could be buried? 

Was it not wanting to part with their loved one or is it not wanting to risk giving up their hold on the legacy of these men and any potential financial rewards that might come up later on? 

Annie Get Your Gun

Every so often guns become the topic of the moment in the national media. It popped up in the presidential campaign, it comes up every time there is a sensationalized shooting. There are horror stories and the true anguished pleas of victims of gun violence or, more commonly, from their surviving families. It tugs at the heart and makes us all want to solve the problem so no one has to face this type of tragedy again. The answer on most people's lips: gun control!

Now where I come from and when I grew up, gun control simply meant self-control. Every one had a gun for hunting or protection. Of course, that protection was mostly from wild animals or dangerous snakes. Occasionally there would be other uses as well like putting down an injured animal, it was a farm after all.  I have seen Mom use a 22 caliber rifle to shoot mistletoe out of a tree for Christmas decorations. There was also that time that my Grandmother used a 12 gauge shotgun as a pesticide but that's another story!

So, as I said, guns were everywhere. They weren't locked in gun cabinets and didn't have trigger locks.They were fully assembled, loaded and located where they could quickly be grabbed if needed. Mom had her rifle standing by the head of her bed for as long as I can remember. Children learned early on what guns could do by seeing them used. We also knew that if the gun didn't kill us, our parents would if we touched the gun. Unless of course we were sent to get it for some reason, which was not an unusual occurrence. Besides, most of the kids I knew didn't need to bother with their parent's guns, they had their own. Boys, and many girls, got  hunting rifles as soon as they were big enough and strong enough to hold one properly. Training wasn't done by the NRA, gun use and safety were ingrained on you from time you learned to walk. I never feared guns, I did however have a healthy respect for their power. 

Unfortunately, this was a long time ago. It was a time when people hadn't yet  progressed from shooting up mailboxes and street signs to shooting up each other in schools and movie theaters. On the two occasions my Mom ever picked up her gun against someone else, it was never fired. 

The first time I was there. It was the middle of the night and we all heard a window being opened in the dining room. Mom got her rifle, told my brother and me to stay back and crept into the room, lights still out. With the rifle pointed at the intruder she firmly demanded they identify themselves, no answer. She did this 2 or 3 more times and when an arm came through the window and reached out for one of the chairs, she flipped the lights on. It was my father, drunk and locked out due to losing his key. Fear and panic could have caused this to be one of those stories touted by hardcore gun control enthusiasts for banning weapons. However, common sense was used instead of the gun.

The other time was when Mom was working at a motel. She lived on-site and her bedroom was right off the office. She again heard the sounds of someone breaking in. She  got her gun and aimed it waist level at the door knowing the intruder was on the other side. She yelled a warning to the effect of, "I have a gun, get out". Apparently he didn't believe her or something and shoved through the door. Upon seeing her standing there with a rifle pointed at his privates, he turned and ran. No shots were fired or needed to accomplish the goal of self protection. I have no doubt in my mind however, that had he continued to advance he would have left there in a body bag. The point is, she used reason and common sense to handle the situation. She was confident in her abilities because she had been around guns her entire life and knew what she was doing. I truly believe the only reason she doesn't have one now is that the nursing home she lives in won't allow it.

I understand that the gun related death rates in urban and rural areas are roughly the same, only for different reasons. Today the rural areas have a high number of accidental shootings and sadly, a large number of suicides. In the urban areas, crime is more commonly the cause of gun deaths. But can we truly blame the guns and gun marketers? No, I don't feel we can paint over the issue with such a broad brush. 

As for the accidental shootings, some of them are related to improper handling of firearms when cleaning them. Some are simply due to human error and others, at the risk of sounding callous, are due to stupidity plain and simple. We all know that drinking and driving don't mix, well neither do drinking and firing weapons. People use guns recklessly sometimes. As previously stated, self-control and better education on gun safety could lower this percentage of gun deaths.

Suicides are a tragic outcome of the pressures people are facing in the world as it is today. It is horrific and heart-wrenching but it won't be prevented by making guns less available. Those intent on dying will find another way. Only by better outreach and focus on each other will these numbers be lowered. Physicians, teachers, parents and friends, these are the first line of defense in preventing suicide. 

Of course, should the National Instant Criminal Background Check System actually be fully utilized and if that database actually included disqualifying mental health records, it would be a means of finding a few of these poor souls before it was too late. But it isn't required in private sales, only for federally licensed gun dealers, and most of the disqualifying mental health histories never make it to the database in the first place.

Now for the big one, crime. I strongly believe that people buying guns should have to pass a criminal background check such as the NICS system above, whether from a gun shop or an individual. I believe private individuals selling a weapon should have to maintain records of when and to whom a gun is sold and have a limit on how many guns they can sell in a certain time-frame  I believe a few days waiting period is appropriate. And I believe stronger penalties for crimes committed with guns should be levied. Making it more difficult to obtain the guns will help.

We will never get rid of all gun violence and related crimes or gun deaths as long as there are humans breathing the air on this planet. That ship sailed the day guns were invented. To do that would require searching every inch of the earth and destroying every gun ever made, sounds a little "Twilight Zone" to me. What we need to strive for is an increased caution and responsibility on the part of every gun owner and every seller of guns. It will never stop it all together but it would certainly make a difference.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

It's still Wednesday as I write this but I have already had my Thanksgiving. Daughter #1 and her husband and kids and Daughter #2 and her boyfriend were all here. It was a really nice afternoon/evening. Since moving here from Las Vegas I have been going to my oldest daughter's house for the holidays. This year was the first time cooking a holiday meal in 3 years. Was nice to give her a bit of a break. They will be busy tomorrow with dinner at her in-laws so she was going to make dinner at her place today but it turned out they had to be here in Portland anyway so this was just easier on everyone. 

I almost decided to just go to bed without writing an entry for today but I've kept up with the daily posts so far this month and didn't want to give up. I will make the whole month. And I promise to be a little more interesting tomorrow. 

Enjoy the day!

A Time To Rest...

Whenever I start to get behind schedule or things begin to stress me out at work and I don't feel like I have a moment to even breath, I know it's time to take a break. Working faster is not always possible when your job consists of such things as patient assessments and wound care and so forth. It may seem counterproductive to stop and leave the floor for a few minutes but sometimes, it is essential. 

When you are rushing around stressed or focused on how much more you have to do by the end of your shift you aren't doing anyone any good. Hence, the break. Now a lot of my co-workers tend to talk about work on break, and at times, I do too. But when it's really bad, I like to stay clear of everyone else and not even think about work for a little bit. Some days I meditate; other days I simply fantasize about quitting my job to open my own little bookstore somewhere or running away to live along the moors of Scotland or moving to Breitenbush Hot Springs here in Oregon at the very least. I have pretty varied dreams.  

The point is to clear your head and focus, to let go of the craziness and take a few deep breaths before getting back into the game. I spent 12 hours at work today and it was a good day. But getting through it after 4 hours of sleep was a bit rough. It makes working on this post right now a challenge also. AND, I get to go back and do it all again tomorrow too so, if you'll excuse me. I'm going to take a break!

For This I am Thankful

My daughter and several of my friends have been doing daily Facebook postings about what they are thankful for since it is the month of Thanksgiving. I've been writing these blogs every day and haven't taken the time to do that as well so today I am going to share as much as I can of what I am thankful for.

First, my family. My mom is unpredictable and has a sense of humor that has to be experienced to fully understand. I am so grateful she has that back. After a stroke and the loss of her home due to Hurricane Katrina it was missing for a while. I am thankful that  she has been able to regain it.

My daughters Laura and Mariah. They are the greatest, most beautiful works of art that I will ever have a hand in creating. They are strong, vibrant women that make me proud every single day just by being themselves.

My son-in-law Skyler. I have said on many occasions that had the Lord himself allowed me to design a mate for my daughter, my version would not have been as good. He is as good as they come; a great husband and father.

My grandsons Dylan and Daxton. They are 2 of the most spirited and loving boys ever to grace the planet.

All the rest of my relatives, those still around and those that have passed. Each one has been an example to me in one form or another. Even my crazy little brother.

My job as a nurse at a nursing home. It wears me to the bone sometimes and other times it uses up every last shred of emotional reserves I have and then some. It also provides moments of closeness and laughter that could not be found anywhere else. And it provides a comfortable existence for me as well, can't ignore that. 

My friends. I might not have 400+ listed on Facebook and Twitter but the handful that are in my life more than make up for it. I have always placed quality over quantity and I have to say, my friends are true quality!

I am also thankful for the material things in my life such as a nice apartment and a working car. There are other material things in my life now that are nice to have, though in the end they aren't really of that much importance. I have started over with next to nothing several times and have come to see the non-essentials for what they are. I am thankful for my perseverance and ability to rebuild my life to suit my own dreams. 

And finally, I am thankful for finally reaching a point in my life where I can see what I have and be grateful rather than looking at what I don't have and being disappointed. 

Positive Reinforcement Lasts Forever

Today's post is simply a Thank You! A tribute to a very special teacher from my childhood who helped me so much more than she ever realized. 

Louise Anderson was my 6th grade English teacher. She worked very hard to let her students have fun and enjoy the material we covered; not always an easy task. I have to think part of this was because she was still a student herself. She was working on her Master's Degree in Childhood Education at the University of Southern Mississippi. When it came time to write our very first book report she went to great lengths to make sure the students had books that would appeal to them. There weren't assigned books to write on you see. She gave the guidelines of what the report should include and let us choose our own books. When I complained that the books we had in our little library didn't have enough information to write a 2 page report, she took me to the high school's library and let me pick from there. I got an A and she found a guinea pig! 

At this time she was working on her dissertation and needed a test subject. For the next couple of months I spent every Saturday morning with her. We would drive to U.S.M. and she'd administer some type of testing: vocabulary, reading and writing skills, spatial relations, all the stuff of standardized IQ testing. Not once did she ever indicate how I did other than a "Great job!" or some such comment. But, after each session we went out to eat and she would then give me $10 to buy something nice for myself, a "warm fuzzy" she'd call it. As you can imagine I was really disappointed when this came to an end!

But it really didn't end. True no one was paying me to take tests anymore but I was still attuned to that positive feedback and reinforcement. The special attention I had received made me feel more confident in myself. It made me want to work harder and do even better. And along the way I had also learned that there is no better place to escape to than into a well written book. 

Now I am not advocating giving money to kids to make them do better in school. It may or may not work for different kids or their families. However, a "warm fuzzy" doesn't have to be cash. For me it was also the feeling that someone really took notice and cared about  how I did in school. Parents are often too busy to do this but I do believe it makes a world of difference. 

From Natural History to the History of Sex and Mob Violence

When you think of Las Vegas, Nevada culture and the arts aren't the first thing that come to mind. And it is true that Vegas no longer has the world class Guggenheim Hermitage Museum at the Venetian Hotel, but it was there for 7 years. During that time it was visited by 1.1 million people (including me) before closing its doors. UNLV still has the Marjorie Barrick Museum and Fremont Street is still home to the Southern Nevada Museum of Fine Art. 

There is the Museum of Natural History and the Lied Discovery Children's Museum, such as you would expect to find in any metropolitan city. Also, there are many museums that are dedicated to the rich history of the area such as the Nevada State Museum or the Atomic Testing Museum. More of these are in the surrounding areas like the Lost City Museum of Archaeology in Overton and the Boulder City Hoover Dam Museum. There's an Aviation Museum in McCarran Airport and an automobile collection at the Imperial Palace. You can find Bruno's Indian Museum in Boulder City as well.

But Vegas plays host to a few venues that aren't your typical museum fare. The Neon Museum and the Las Vegas Sign Project focus on those wonderful old pieces of signage that make old Vegas immediately recognizable in old movies and TV shows. There's a Pinball Hall of Fame museum. The Clown Factory, Elvis-o-Rama and the Liberace Museum have sadly closed.

Aside from the family friendly locations above there are also a couple that pay homage to two of the oldest themes in history: sex and violence. We'll look at each of these separately.

In the "Sex" category we have the Erotic Heritage Museum on Industrial Road. Their webpage notes that it was created by a Preacher and a Pornographer. It has 17,000 square feet of space for exhibits.  "The EHM is owned and managed by the Exodus Trust, a non-profit California Trust that has as its sole purpose to perform educational, scientific and literary functions relating to sexual, emotional, mental and physical health." Younger adults and old will find this a very unique experience. You'll be amazed at the history and evolution of some items still in use today. Despite knowing individuals who are involved in this enterprise, I moved away before getting a chance to visit. 

The Las Vegas Mob Museum took quite a while to get the green light. It was not without its share of fight and controversy. Former Mayor Oscar Goodman was totally behind this project. Of course, his history as a defense attorney for a number of old-school mobsters might be a good part of that. He is not a man of small ego, that's for sure but overall a very likable man. He considered utilizing an old court house as the home for this museum a big part of his revitalization project for that area of town. It contains exhibits dedicated to both the mobsters and the law enforcement officers who took them down. You can see a section of a bullet hole ridden wall from the Valentine's Day Massacre and a barber chair where another wiseguy was gunned down. You will learn more than you ever wanted to know about mobsters like Al Capone, Whitey Bulger and Bugsy Siegel or the good guys like Eliot Ness and J. Edgar Hoover. It covers the full spectrum of mob life and how it lead to the creation of Las Vegas in the first place. And it only cost $42 million of mostly taxpayer money.

If you are planning a trip to Vegas, here's a link to a few places: http://www.a2zlasvegas.com/otherside/museums.html

Last Year's Birthday With Wil Wheaton

Today is the big day, I turned 50 years old at 6:35 CST this morning. I woke up to 3 different kinds of dark chocolates strategically placed next to my coffee maker by my youngest daughter Mai. This afternoon she and I will meet up with my oldest daughter Laura for a mani/pedi deal. My girls are fantastic, couldn't want for better kids! Pretty laid back on the planning this year but I do hope to get to see a particular friend of mine at some point this weekend, he's such a sweetie! 

Last year on this day I was still living in McMinnville. I discovered there was going to be a "Wil Wheaton vs. Paul and Storm" event in Portland on my birthday so I let out the inner-geek and bought tickets. It wasn't a full W00tstock but it was close enough for me! I even booked a hotel room for the weekend. I spent the day before the show going to the art museum, eating at neat little cafes and checking out vintage clothing shops. 

Yes I know a vast majority of you may not know what I'm talking about but suffice it to say it was destined to be an evening of fun and fabulous. And it was, at least until the show was over. There were 2 local sisters "The Doubleclicks" who sing all things geek, here let me just show you:

And of course, the main event was filled with songs and jokes that can be enjoyed by anyone but only truly appreciated by those who are geek at heart (or geek-adjacent as Wil's wife called herself then). Wil Wheaton shared some personal stories too. The following is a video of the last 20 or so minutes of the show. It is "The Captain's Wife's Lament" interspersed with tons of insider jokes and geek culture references. It pretty much has something to entertain everyone and yet offend more than a few. I apologize if you are one of the offended but it's overall hilarious. 

             This is from the actual show I attended. I was sitting next to the woman screaming at the beginning of this video.

Anyway, as I said previously, I loved the show and had a terrific time. Until I went to my car. Or I should say, until I tried to go to my car. It was gone, nowhere to be found. I tried to keep calm and went into the bar next to the theater to call the police. All the guys were there from the show but I was not in the mood to fan-girl out at that point. The police kindly informed me that I had parked in front of a driveway and been towed! Apparently the wooden fence I had parked next to had one of those gates that slides in on itself so I didn't notice it. Naturally since it was November in Portland it was dark and raining when I parked. I won't go into excruciating detail of the rest of the night. I'll just say that when all was said and done I had walked several miles, alone, in the middle of a cold and wet night, gotten lost in a warehouse district at 1 a.m. and spent an unplanned $382 to get my car back. Yet, it was still a great night! If they come back I'll go again, I'll just be more careful when I park. Better yet, I'll take the bus!

Just Reminiscing a Little

How great is it to open up your email and find a note from someone you haven't spoken to in years! Several years, (OK 12 yrs ago) I worked in a hospital in Phoenix. It wasn't one of the more prestigious hospitals in town, but it was an interesting place to work. The patients were a fair part of it but the co-workers were really an amazing and unique bunch. 

In the last couple of months I have heard from 2 of my former co-workers. The first, Cherie, has moved to California and earned her R.N. degree. We always had a good time. I never would have pegged her for California though. The second is Paul. He is this young nurse from England. I expected him to be the eternal bachelor. He did like a party. I got an email the other day for the first time in a long time. For quite a while I would always get the forwarded joke emails from him but they eventually stopped. I guessed he might have moved back to England. Turns out he is in Seattle, divorced and the father of a little girl. I bet he's a great dad too. He was thinking he might like to go somewhere sunny, other than Arizona and was asking for information about Las Vegas. Now that I know he's so close, I may just have to make that trip to Seattle I've talked about taking for so long. 

Just How Big is Dr. Oz's Medicine Cabinet?

Ever wonder how many people Dr. Oz has made rich? Think about it, all the health food store owners, the vitamin shop owners and the fitness gurus, not to mention all the books and the articles sold to "Woman's Day" and "Redbook" by authors quoting him. He doesn't market his own line of supplements (not yet anyway) but he is single-handedly responsible for the sale of millions of dollars worth each year.

I haven't watched his show regularly in over a year but each time I do catch an episode the titles are usually something like this, "Dr. Oz's 3 Key Supplements", "The 5 Supplements You Need" or "4 Supplements for a Longer Life". Now I know that as a whole our country needs to eat less. This does not however mean we should do it by being so full of supplements we don't have the room or appetite for an actual meal!

There are hormones to melt your fat that this vitamin will increase, hormones that cause us to gain which another mineral will control. The lists go on and on: fish oil, krill oil, omega-3s, chromium, probiotics, iodine, grape seed extract, forskolin, apple pectin, ground konjac root, astaxanthin, co-enzyme Q10. All of these were from just 3 episodes! Who even knows what most of these things are? 

Many of the recommended supplements actually duplicate each other's functions, like lowering cholesterol for instance, but work in slightly different ways so a person wouldn't have to take them all. But a walk around the local health food store makes me think some are trying. I've even been in one store which had the show on so they could create a new display based on that episode for the customers who would be coming in after it aired to try what he was talking about that day.

Now all of these capsules and powders may be beneficial to your health but wouldn't it be better if we talked about the food sources for these nutrients. Wouldn't practical yet tasty recipes be better than a list of pills? To his credit he does, to an extent, cover this as well but it gets much less attention it seems. I know fresh and sometimes exotic produce can be costly but I'd love to see a cost comparison for the foods vs. the supplements.

Another thing I would like to see covered more in depth is any possible side-effects or possible interactions with other medications people may be taking. Some serious problems can arise from taking nutritional supplements with other medications. Chromium picolinate for instance interacts with over 50 other meds, St. John's Wort with over 600 meds; 89 of the interactions are listed as "major". One example of a major interaction with St. John's Wort would be the potential to negate birth control pills. It may help with your day to day mood, not sure I'd want to try it for postpartum depression. 

http://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html is a pretty comprehensive database for checking your medications (of any kind) for interactions. It is pretty jargon heavy but it is a good place to start. If you find anything that concerns you, ask your doctor. Better yet, before taking anything new, even over the counter stuff, ask your doctor or pharmacist about it. Just make sure you tell them everything you are taking.

Simply put, we don't need a medicine cabinet that looks like a GNC outlet to be healthy. Stock the fridge instead.

Hide and Seek in the Information Age

It is distressing to me how much misinformation is being delivered to massive numbers of people on any given day. Much of it takes the exact same facts and skews them to fit into the ideology of a particular group. Or even worse, skews them to terrify members of set demographics so they emotionally respond rather than thinking things through or research the information for themselves. Plus, with all the individual groups sharing this information, it becomes nearly impossible to sort through the garbage to find actual facts! I can't be the only person in the country having this problem.

Now of course in the "information age" the internet is at the fingertips of nearly everyone. This problem is widespread among all topics. Heck, search "sore throat" and you'll get advice ranging from gargling with salt water to rushing to the ER for an MRI because you have throat cancer! Anyone and everyone with a computer or smartphone (myself included) can share their vast (cough, cough) knowledge on whatever suits them. Some of it is honest, some harmless, some reckless and some downright devious and manipulative. And in all categories the re-tweets, shares, blogs and comments on every forum imaginable (usually the ones using tactics that appeal on a deep emotional level) help to make an ever greater swirling soup of confusion. This makes finding a single morsel of truth or logic within the confusion too time consuming for most people; we want what we want now, to hell with verifying I'll just repeat what "they" say. 

Add to that the people who are truly trying to help others. They believe they are doing so by spreading the word of a new danger (computer virus, fees added to a free service, etc) or sharing a plea for help with fundraising for sick children or such. That's why sites like Snopes.com  were created. To help sort out what is and isn't a viable concern to web users.

Generally speaking, it is always best to go directly to the source whenever possible. The reason I am writing about this today is because I wanted some information regarding the Affordable Care Act or Obamacare as many call it. My question was, as a veteran, does my VA coverage count towards the required insurance coverage that is a part of the bill. Sounds simple enough, just type that into Google or whatever search engine and boom, there's the answer. WRONG!!! There were thousands of results but if you looked closely at the URLs under each heading, you could see that many were aligned with one side of the argument or the other. Not wanting to wade hip deep through the mire, I chose to go to the VA website itself and found the following:

Affordable Care Act and the Veterans Health Administration

The provisions of the Affordable Care Act (ACA) upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court will not affect the current role the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) has in the lives of America's Veterans. We will continue to provide Veterans with high quality, comprehensive health care and benefits they have earned through their service. VA health care does not change as a result of the ACA.

For more information about VA's health care services, visit http://www.va.gov/health.

Quick and easy and I would have to believe the VA knows more about what the VA is doing than the rest of those sites. 

But, all the contradictory results I initially received made me more aware of the divide among U.S. citizens either supporting or decrying the healthcare initiative. Are all of the people writing, reading and sharing these points of view fully aware of what is actually in the bill? I can honestly say that although I have read over many parts of it, I am by far NOT AN EXPERT. And yes, what I read was initially from fervent supporters of it. But I chose to go further and spent quite a lot of time searching for information that wasn't colored by either side's opinion only. Let me tell you, it was not an easy task! Going straight to the source here would mean reading through hundreds of pages of legal jargon the average citizen is not equipped to deal with. Even the resource I found still leaves a lot of questions but it does show both sides to each item. There is still much to be learned.

If you are interested in checking it out a site that takes on many controversial issues ranging from the aforementioned Obamacare to drug use in sports and explains both sides with equal scrutiny, then here you go: www.ProCon.org

Learn what you need to know, then make up your own mind. Don't let anyone else do it for you.

Veterans Day at the travelling Vietnam Wall

Yesterday was Veterans Day. I want to say Thank You (which isn't really enough!) to all my fellow veterans, currently serving and throughout history. Sometimes I feel odd calling myself a veteran. Yes, I was in the Air Force for 6 years but the roughest things I faced were basic training and technical school! So, I give an extra special Thank You to those who fought so much harder through much greater hardships and for those who never made it back home.

Yesterday was also one of those cold, rainy, dreary days that November in Oregon typically has to offer. But, the travelling version of the Vietnam Veterans Wall was here in Portland on display and I wanted to see it. Despite the nasty weather it was obvious I was not alone as soon as I arrived.

The memorial is just beyond the line of sight.

I got lucky and found a parking spot about halfway down the line of cars. There were golf carts taking people back and forth but I had my umbrella so I walked up, taking my time to take it all in. It is 3/4 of the size of the actual monument in Washington D.C., but it seems so much bigger than its actual size. There are 58,261 names engraved on those massive panels, including 1200 who are missing in action. There really are no words for the things I felt looking at that wall so here are a few pictures. 

Until tomorrow!